Keep Me Sane
by proudmarveltrash
Summary: Jo is woken in the middle of the night from yet another nightmare, but as always, Steve is there to keep her sane. One-shot. Set 3 months after the story First Avengers.


**Keep Me Sane**

 _"Hold on, Buck. I got you. Come on, baby doll. Take my hand... NO!"_

I jolted up in bed, desperately panting for air that I couldn't seem to get enough of as I gripped at my chest and my eyes frantically searched the pitch black room for possible threats. The images of my old friend and mentor burned at the back of my eyes as they always did when the nightmares came, refusing to allow me peace even during the silent hours of night.

On my right I heard the soft rustling of sheets as Steve responded to my panic by sliding one hand up my arm to my shoulder. "You okay?" he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah," I breathed, moving my hand from my chest to cover his on my shoulder with a light squeeze. "I'm good."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

I shook my head, lacing my fingers through his and shifting our hands into my lap as I took deep breaths through my nose to calm my racing heart. Steve traced his thumb rhythmically over the back of my hand, waiting patiently for me to run out of adrenaline.

Once my heartbeat and breathing had returned to normal I dropped back onto my pillow, causing the mattress to bounce a few times before stilling. "I'm good," I repeated in a whisper, staring up at the ceiling. It was always a challenge to return to sleep after a nightmare, but ever since I had moved in with Steve almost three months ago now and we began sharing his bed on a nightly basis, it was at least a small victory that they came less frequently.

Steve- knowing that I wasn't going to share the details of what had so violently woken me up- clumsily pushed himself closer to my side so that I could feel small puffs of his cool breath breaking against my shoulder and snaked his arm over my waist. "Can you sleep?"

Instead of answering, I rolled onto my side so that I was facing him, taking a quiet moment to observe his smooth expression. His eyes were still closed, so I knew that he really was exhausted. Since he had started working with SHIELD, he came home more tired than I had ever seen him before. Of course, I understood exactly how he was feeling, seeing as I had also been trained by Natasha and knew exactly how rigorous his training must be.

"Don't worry about me." I moved my free hand to his cheek, faintly tracing the back of my knuckle down his jawline before lightly tapping his nose with a small grin. "Go back to sleep."

He hummed quietly and pulled me closer against his chest, nuzzling his head deeper into the pillow. I copied his movement, tucking my head under his chin with a small sigh of contentment. Only moments later, I felt his breath against the top of my head even out and I knew he had succumbed to his exhaustion. While he slept, I fiddled with the loose grey t-shirt he was wearing as I remembered my dream.

I hadn't thought of Bucky in a while, but lately he had been on my mind for some reason. It might have something to do with having seen Peggy, Gabe, Jacques and Dum Dum. That seemed the only logical explanation- that seeing them again had brought back memories of my time training with the Commandos.

No matter the reason, I found myself missing him lately, but I could never bring myself to talk to Steve about it. I knew that he had loved Bucky like a brother, and bringing up those buried memories would be painful for him. No, I would rather deal with it myself than risk hurting Steve anymore than I already had.

"You know you can talk to me."

I glanced up and saw that Steve had opened his eyes and was watching me play with his shirt. "I thought you fell back asleep," I admitted.

He moved the hand that wasn't still laced with mine up to my forehead, tucking my loose hair back behind my ear before resting his wrist against my collarbone as he twisted the ends of my hair around his fingers. We stayed like that for a while, him playing with my hair as I pulled lightly at his shirt.

Eventually, his fingers stilled and he moved his hand to rest lightly atop the dip in my waist. He pressed his lips against my forehead, and I reflexively closed my eyes. "I love you," he mumbled against my skin.

"I know."

He shifted back onto his back, and I rested my palm against his chest with my forehead snuggled against his shoulder. Our hands that never disconnected was the only barrier between us, and he squeezed his fingers lightly. I responded in the same manner before kissing his shoulder.

Things were far from perfect in our lives, but the longer I was with Steve, the more grateful I was to him for loving me. Our lives were truly one tragedy closely followed by another, but I grew more certain every day that as long as he would stay with me, Steve would keep me sane.


End file.
